Oprah (A to Z Blogging Challenge, Day 15)

For the past several months (or maybe even a little longer, like a year), I've been joking that the book of essays I have been compiling since Jesus was a toddler are going to be fantastic enough to get me invited to a gospel brunch at Oprah's house. Truth be told, I don't know what a gospel brunch is. I haven't Googled it, but my mom seems to think it's a brunch where the invitees hear a lot of gospel music. Gospel isn't my favorite music, but I'd be down with that BECAUSE I'D BE AT OPRAH'S HOUSE HELLLLLOOOO. I'd also be the hot new writer that all the Hollywood royalty just had to meet. Who cares if I'd be found in a gutter six months later with a needle sticking out of my arm like sick E.T. on a drug binge? Okay, I'd care and this paragraph has taken a weird turn. Let's try again.

The point of joking about being invited to attend a gospel brunch is that I'm not really joking. I really believe I can make it happen. I need to finish compiling my essays, of course, and decide what my focus is going to be. (And submit the manuscript and get someone interested and have my words edited and probably cry because so many changes and deadlines and what the hell was I thinking and what do you mean you don't know how to market it MARKET THIS, ASSHOLE and compromises and book deals and advances and student loans paid off and talk show appearances HI ELLEN I LOVE YOOOOOU!)

I can write about a lot of things, if we're sticking to that write-what-you-know rule, including:

• Being fat
• Being biracial
• Being over 40 and having to pee all the goddamn time what the HELL bladder
• Having curly hair with a mind of its own (which would actually be included in the exploration of black/multiracial women's hair sometimes being called "good" hair + all the hair experiences I've had
• Racism (ooh, a third broad topic for the win!)
• Misophonia, depression, anxiety and how difficult it is to talk about mental illness

And those are just the topics I can think of off the top of my head. BRING ME ALL THE PANCAKES AND SEAT ME NEXT TO THE QUEEN. I mean Oprah, but if Queen Latifah is there too, I would totally be okay with that I LOVE YOU TOO DANA.

Reowr.